And deliver us from evil...
In the last couple weeks, I have been depressed about the fragility of human life and how close we all are to evil. First, a deacon at my roommate's church committed suicide. I didn't know the man, but my roommate said he didn't see it coming at all. The man had 4 kids and his daughter found him. He had apparently lost his job and gotten depressed to the point that he thought his family would rather have him dead by suicide than living. I can't imagine what it will be like for those kids or his wife to have to explain every once in awhile that their dad committed suicide. Rather than experiencing joy when they think of their family, they will have to bring up a deeply personal, saddening memory.
It also showed me just how capable we are--I am--of committing heinous sins. If a deacon in a church without any terrible (I guess this is relative) problems can commit suicide seemingly out of the blue, what's to keep me or someone I love from doing the same? Hearing about the deacon's suicide made me realize how physically easy it is. It may be extremely difficult or close to impossible mentally and spiritually, but physically, just about anyone can do it. It seems like all it could take is a momentary lapse of sanity, a severe temptation by the devil, etc. This is very scary to me.
I have also been reading Bartolome De Las Casas' Short Account of the Destruction of the Indies, a graphic description of the atrocities committed by Europeans in their conquest of the Americas. It is unbelievably gruesome and gratuitous, and I couldn't really think about it too deeply without feeling like I was sinning. In class, my favorite professor made a comment something along the lines of what I said above. He said, "Whenever we interact with people to take rather than to give, only genetics and historical circumstance separate us from the conquistador." This is a very disturbing thought, and also gives a lot more significance to what I typically see as minor sins.
Though I was distrubed by it very much a few years ago, I have been at peace with the doctrine of predestination for the last two years. I am about as convinced as I get that predestination is biblical. The events of the last couple weeks have made me much more uncomfortable with the doctrine, even though I still believe it's biblical. How can there be suicide among God's people? Aren't we protected from at least suicide? How can a whole race of people be slaughtered brutally by another race of people that had some type of exposure to the Bible? It has all seemed more arbitrary than it has in the past to me. I know about Job, and the potter and the pot, but my faith has taken a beating over this nonetheless.
I have been praying more than ever for God's protection in my own life and in the lives of the people I know. Paradoxically, I think my prayers have been about as earnest as they get from me at the same time as my faith has been under attack. God is the only one who can give me the comfort I seek, but he is also the one I am suspicious of and having trouble with. I remember the time that my mom could comfort me about this type of stuff, but now God is the only option. I probably need to spend some time in the Psalms.
Matt Stewart
It also showed me just how capable we are--I am--of committing heinous sins. If a deacon in a church without any terrible (I guess this is relative) problems can commit suicide seemingly out of the blue, what's to keep me or someone I love from doing the same? Hearing about the deacon's suicide made me realize how physically easy it is. It may be extremely difficult or close to impossible mentally and spiritually, but physically, just about anyone can do it. It seems like all it could take is a momentary lapse of sanity, a severe temptation by the devil, etc. This is very scary to me.
I have also been reading Bartolome De Las Casas' Short Account of the Destruction of the Indies, a graphic description of the atrocities committed by Europeans in their conquest of the Americas. It is unbelievably gruesome and gratuitous, and I couldn't really think about it too deeply without feeling like I was sinning. In class, my favorite professor made a comment something along the lines of what I said above. He said, "Whenever we interact with people to take rather than to give, only genetics and historical circumstance separate us from the conquistador." This is a very disturbing thought, and also gives a lot more significance to what I typically see as minor sins.
Though I was distrubed by it very much a few years ago, I have been at peace with the doctrine of predestination for the last two years. I am about as convinced as I get that predestination is biblical. The events of the last couple weeks have made me much more uncomfortable with the doctrine, even though I still believe it's biblical. How can there be suicide among God's people? Aren't we protected from at least suicide? How can a whole race of people be slaughtered brutally by another race of people that had some type of exposure to the Bible? It has all seemed more arbitrary than it has in the past to me. I know about Job, and the potter and the pot, but my faith has taken a beating over this nonetheless.
I have been praying more than ever for God's protection in my own life and in the lives of the people I know. Paradoxically, I think my prayers have been about as earnest as they get from me at the same time as my faith has been under attack. God is the only one who can give me the comfort I seek, but he is also the one I am suspicious of and having trouble with. I remember the time that my mom could comfort me about this type of stuff, but now God is the only option. I probably need to spend some time in the Psalms.
Matt Stewart
posted by CROATOAN at 10:30 PM
1 Comments:
Speaking as someone who also lost someone to suicide many years ago, I can say that it is indeed an experience that will affect each member of that family for as long as they live - you are right.
We must encourage and remind each other to have no other gods before God - and that means our jobs, our roles, or self-esteem, even our sense of "face", dignity, or honor - none of those are to be our gods before God.
I have heard of several cases of suicide within Christian families. Sometimes the issue is a mental illness, perhaps combined with substance abuse - a form of self-medication to deal with depression. Other times, it may be related to a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.
Psalm 23 is an excellent source for reflection during such times - as you suggest. The Lord is our Shepherd, we shall not want. What a comfort for all of our days.
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